Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
