If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
