Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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