Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
