Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
