I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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