Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
