I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
