i always forget guys have bellybuttons
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
