nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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