either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
