You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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