3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Say something about gay babies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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