Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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