I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
