I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
