I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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