i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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