dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
