i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
