insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
