I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
