Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
