Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
