Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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