you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
