ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
