why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
