I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
