Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
