the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
