if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
