i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
