So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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