you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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