I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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