He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize