The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
