you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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