We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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