so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
