Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
