im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
