Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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