Cold hands, warm shart.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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