please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
