i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
