My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Come on in and take your pants off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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