is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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