I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
