I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
