dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
