i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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