went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
