I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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