It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
