Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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